i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
