If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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