Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Ketchup is God's man juice
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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