hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
