I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
