Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
