i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
