and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
