Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
