Rock
Scissors
Fuck
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
