My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
