Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Sorry about my life...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
