After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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