i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
