Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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