you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
