he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
