Soap is not a condiment
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
