Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
