I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
