The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
