There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
