It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
how does that bad decision feel?
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