He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
