I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
