so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
