I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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