Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
