Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
