I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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