roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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