Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
