it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
