I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
