she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
