my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
