i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
