Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Holy sore nipples Batman
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
