I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
