At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You are a genius and a whore.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
