I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
