I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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