Your dad touched me again.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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