Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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