my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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