I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
