What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
