i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
