I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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