"it" just moved
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
