im about as happy as oj after his trial
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
